In the future we'll all be gay
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
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