Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
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