some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
25 People Reveal The Creepiest Kids They Went to School With
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
17 Subtle Body Language Signs That Reveal A Lot About Someone
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I lost the right to judge tonight
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"