sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.