i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
23 Fathers Confess The Best Way They’ve Messed With Their Daughter’s Boyfriend
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
25 Children of Helicopter Parents Admit The Most Horrible Thing They Were Put Through
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.