Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Floor bacon is actually really good
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night