The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.