Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize