Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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