So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
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He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
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And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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