just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Randomize