I'm jealous of your bromance
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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