I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
