I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
How does one acquire holy water?
I FOUND THE LEGS
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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