According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
