Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
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