tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
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