The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
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