Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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