Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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