i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
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Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
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The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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