oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Houston, we have a blender
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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