6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
You are a genius and a whore.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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