My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
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she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
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and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
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