Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Randomize
