I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
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Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
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im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
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