I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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