its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
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we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
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The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
He? As in you personified your dick?
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
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