i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
19 Unhappily Married People Confess The Red Flags They Ignored
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
These 23 People Destroyed Their Entire Lives In An Instant
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?