sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
19 Parents Had Epic Reactions When Catching Their Kids Being “Bad”
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"