This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.