She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs