i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
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I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
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That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head