Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
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i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
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The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...