Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Randomize
