You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
25 Men Confess The Moment They Knew They Wanted To Marry Their Wife
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
You Wouldn’t Guess That These 25 Celebrities Are Complete A**holes
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?