i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.