I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
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Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
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I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.