Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
16 Sexual Experiences EVERYONE Should Have At Least Once
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.