Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...