Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
So. Much. Porn.
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