I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
