just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Randomize
