"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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