he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
