I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
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I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
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Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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