During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
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