I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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