there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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