on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
