We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
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