what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after