At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
