Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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