remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
