And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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