ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
