Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
