just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him