I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
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She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
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We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.