I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
