If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
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You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
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FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.