I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.