I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
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Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
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He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.