that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...