They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
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