you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
apparently the secret to your success is patron
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
