I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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